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| EVEN VERY YOUNG HIS LAUGH WAS FROM THE BELLY |
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Joshua came into our lives on January 7, 1986. He was a little baby and a few weeks early, but nothing out of the ordinary. Full of fight and life, he was not content to lay quietly in his crib. He had to be in the middle of anything and everything Josh needed little sleep as a toddler and it seemed like even less the bigger he grew. Sleep was a waste of time and there was just too much to do.
Rocky, Rambo, Ninja Turtles, He-Man, Conan, Indiana Jones, The Godfather, Topegun StarWars, Blade, Tremors, WWF and NASCAR. Ford trucks and Harley motorcycles. Pretty girls, country music, cowboy boots, dogs. Spagetti sandwiches and sodas from the fountain machine with all the flavors mixed together. Nintendo games and football. Fires roaring in the fireplace and falling asleep watching TV. So many little things about Josh I can tell you to help you know him and see him, but never enough to bring him back.
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| JOSH ON LEFT WITH BIG BROTHER JON |
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Josh loved his big brother and followed him everywhere. As small children they sat and played together for hours, competing at times but never really fighting. As they got older, like most brothers, they did begin to have their issues with each other, but generally got along. Most of the time you could find them hanging out watching cartoons, playing games or just chattering away.
When Josh first started school it was with a sense of adventure and wonder. There was so much to learn, people to meet and friends to make. At first all seemed to be going well, but a couple of years into school it became obvious that there were some problems. Josh was found to have some specific learning problems that would require special help. It was very hard for him to take written words and make them mean anything. but he worked hard (most of the time....he was still all boy with things to do and places to go...LOL), and managed to advance each year with his class.
Josh liked to try out different sports. One year soccer, one year football. He never really liked any of them enough to keep doing them year after year. He much preferred to get together with friends in a side lot and play a game of football with no rules and then come home and brag about how far or how fast he ran, how many catches he had made or how many points his side had won by.
| SILLY SILLY BOYS |
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| JOSH AND BABY BROTHER LUCAS |
When the youngest brother came along in 91, Josh jumped right in teaching him how to be silly. For a few years it was hard on him, no longer being the youngest and never being the oldest, but he and Luke finally hit a happy point where they could relate to the same video games, TV shows and music.
In 1996 a baby sister came along. Josh took to being the big brother of a sister like a duck to water. He would always talk about when she was older and dating how much of a hard time he was going to give her boyfriends. And Woe be it to any boy who broke her heart or disrespected her. He loved to show off for her and she clung to his every word and stuck to his side like glue.
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Christmas of 98 we decided that Josh was old enough and responsible enough for a pellet gun. He shot many cans and bottles at his Grandparents house getting his aim just perfect. Thank goodness he finally got it perfect as I did have to replace a car window. He had hoped to one day go hunting with a real gun and get a trophy deer, and would sit for hours on his Grandpas shop roof in the early dawn hours waiting and watching, building up his skills. The only problem was that Josh had a soft heart for animals and knew he would never be able to actually shoot and kill a deer. But he did talk a good game.
| CHIRSTMAS 1998 |
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| HIS NEW PELLET GUN.. WHAT A HAPPY KID THAT DAY |
By no means was Josh a perfect child. He had a temper, and could be short of patience. If he felt is was going to better his case he was known to stretch the truth is spots. But he also could laugh and everyone in the room would have to join in. He loved his brothers and sister, even if they got on his last nerve sometimes. He loved his Grandma and Grandpa and waited for school to be out each summer and holiday so he could spend time with them. Working with his Grandpa in the shop building or fixing things. Sitting with Grandma watching movies on TV late at night. Playing with the dogs.
Josh liked to go to work with me and help out with the dogs in the kennel, always begging me to let him take one home...the owners would never miss it. He was going to start showing the MinPins with me this summer and now that opportunity is lost forever. I know that he walks in the ring with me in spirit, but personally I would rather have him beside me in person.
After finishing the 8th grade, Josh decided to move back to his dad's house. With his stepfather being in the Navy, he was kind of tired of moving and leaving his friends behind. We all decided it would be better for him to go to the same High school all the way through and have a close group of friends to look back on later in life. It's not funny how life can kick you in the teeth sometimes.
His older brother Jon had moved back to South Carolina with his dad a few years eariler and his dad was looking forward to having both boys with him again.
Josh and I would talk on the phone alot, and he would come home every school break that he could. It was wonderful having him back in the house and I missed him more each time he left. The summer of 2001 found us with conflicting schedules, so he didn't get to spend as much time here as either of us wanted.
| JOSH AND GRANDMA'S DOG "MOUSE" |
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| SUMMER 2001 |
In July we had a family reunion to attend in Florida, so Josh came to it with me, while his dad and brother went to a race in Daytona. With Josh, Luke,Hayley, me, Grandma and Grandpa, Aunt Tammy and four little dogs, we had a wonderful time laughing, eating, playing, getting sunburned, too tired and overloaded on family. It is one of the last memories of Josh being with me that I have and I replay it in my mind day after day. At the hotel we spent the last night quite late in the pool. Josh helped me teach his sister how to hold her breath underwater and not to be afraid of jumping in and letting the water go over her head. There were many pretty girls swimming that night and Josh would just quietly "check them out" but did make it a point to show off a little bit with his diving and swimming skills. A few days later I had to take him back to his father so he could go with him to visit his paternal grandparents. A few weeks later I was surprised by him coming with my mother to see me for my birthday and then he had to go home again to begin getting ready for the new school year.
| JULY 2001 AT FAMILY REUNION |
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WE had several conversations on the phone after Josh returned to his dad's house. I was going to be moving the summer of 2002 to Japan with my husband and two younger children due to a military move. Josh was sort of talking about coming too. I know and he knew that he wouldn't really make that move, but I like to think he was trying to make his Mom feel better. I was very upset about the idea of leaving my two oldest children behind and not seeing them for two years except for a once a year trip back to the states. but Josh just kept saying, "Ya never know Mom I might want to come with you."
School began and we talked more about what classes he was taking, what he was having problems with and how he needed to improve, We began making plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas. he talked about what kind of truck he wanted to get now that he had a learners permit. We talked about dog shows and how he would start showing with me. We talked about girls he liked and friends he had. On October 4th I had been cleared by my doctor to return to work full time after some surgery and we were both looking forward to a great fall season.
In South Carolina, Josh was getting his hair buzz cut by his good friend Cliffton. He and Cliff hung out together and Josh spent as much time at his house as he did at his own. In fact Josh attended church with Cliffton and his Grandfather. A few weeks before in church the Pastor had asked who in attendance wished to be saved and welcome God into their life and Joshua raised his hand. It is a firm believe in our hearts that God spoke to Joshua that day and was making him ready for his next journey. Josh and Cliffton made plans to attend a homecoming football game on Friday night and play football at a field on Saturday.
The 5th started like any normal day getting up and getting ready for school for Josh and work for me. He caught a ride with his brother and they stopped and picked up another friend and went on their way. I took the two youngest kids to school and went on to work. When I got to work I commented to the ladies I work with that it was going to be a great day. I felt good and had a busy day of grooming planned.
At 8:20 am I got a call on my cell phone from my ex-husband's other exwife saying there had been an accident. Jon was on the way to the hospital, and Josh and the other boy were dead. I remember hitting my knees pleading with her to tell me it was just a sick joke. We are still unsure what exactly happened. It could have been driver inexperience, it could have been any number of things that caused the accident but the end result was two young men dead and a third that might not make it. Jon did recover from his injuries and for that I thank God everyday.
The picture of Joshua in his hat and boots was taken by his friend Cliffton. Josh lived with his boots on, and died with them on as well. They were his pride and joy. Josh's daddy says he can still hear Josh clomping around the house that morning getting ready for school, He was a cowboy at heart, a Southern rebel and full of southern pride. At his funeral we played many songs that had been his favorites. Garth Brooks being one artist he really liked. The memorial service was full of friends, kids who all came up and told me little stories about Josh and how he always talked about his momma and her dog shows. Josh was a great joker and teaser, and I was quick to point out to them, that he was not gone. The next time a book fell from their hands or they tripped for no reason they should just look around and say hello to Josh, cuz we can all be sure he had something to do with it.
We miss him more and more every day. We cry for all the things he will never experience, for all the people who will never meet him, for all the laughter we will never hear again. I cry for the lost child of my heart. I hope that through some of the stories you were able to meet my son Joshua Ryan, and come to know him in just a tiny way. Our lives are no longer complete and an empty hole is left in each day.
May you rest in peace my dear son and look down on your family from above, and know we will never forget you or replace you. I hear your laughter in my heart and see your smile in my mind, and one day I will see them with my eyes again.
Joshua is survived by his father and older brother, Vernon and Jonathan Ford, mother Tracey Smith, step-father Pat Smith, younger brother and sister, Luke and Hayley Smith, paternal grandparents Billy Ford and Mary Zorn and maternal grandparents
Richard and Linda Sears, as well and many many aunts, uncles and cousins. He will be greatly missed by his friends and family alike.
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